Home Forums Class 10 “Why I Stayed”

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  • #5274 Reply

    Did anything surprise you about factors that lead to the abused partner staying in a situation where there is domestic violence? Reflect on the movie “Why I Stayed”.

    #5678 Reply
    Judith McGuinness

    No, not really. Women always think they can make things better. They are always optimistic about men changing. It is an abuser’s trademark to keep the victim isolated from others, dependent on them and feeling worthless. I had to watch a different YouTube video for a past course. Here is the link if anyone wants to see it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5609_5FRjhY

    #5679 Reply
    Peter Manuel

    I suppose there may be other reasons as well why abused partners stay. In some cultures–including, to some extent, our own–it has remained common for men to physically abuse women, and they know they just accept it. Also, some women (not to mention men) have very low self-esteem, perhaps due to some early trauma, and they tolerate and perhaps even seek out abusive partners, perhaps to get a sense of agency over being abused.
    The other video/911 call was of course excruciating to listen to.

    #5680 Reply
    mindy felixbrod

    I agree with Peter’s points.. It is not surprising. I have heard this many times and have thought about it on a sliding scale for all situations that people stay in that is unhealthy for them. The only thing I would find surprising in the video is that these women could not think of a single soul ( known to them or not ) to go to. The isolation part…

    #5684 Reply
    Anastasia Warden

    I thought the video did a good job presenting many of the factors involved in cases of domestic violence – shame, isolation, financial dependence, the “charmer” that appears after the abuse, etc …. Abusive partners know exactly how to keep the victim in their homes and away from help.

    #5687 Reply
    Alondra Palacios

    I was not really surprised about the factors that lead to an abused partner staying in a situation where there is domestic violence. I know the factors can vary from psychological manipulation to monetary dependency. There really is a broad spectrum of reasons.

    #5697 Reply
    Amy Aynedjian

    The reasons these women stayed in their abusive relationships were common… fear, feeling stuck, ashamed that they chose to marry this person and make a life with them apart from their family and did not surprise me. Manipulating Abusive partners don’t necessarily happen overnight.
    Many of the women said their abuser was charming and almost superhero-like until something changed. These victims felt like they could fix the abuser or that he would change …”if only” she did something differently.
    They felt trapped with no way to escape and some were even threatened by their abuser that if they left they would be hunted down and killed. The line that stuck with me was “ I wanted to believe that LOVE COULD CONQUER ALL”’that line speaks volumes!

    #5710 Reply
    Suzanne Doll

    The cycle of domestic violence is difficult to break. I was not surprised by this video, but it just confirmed reasons why someone may stay in an abusive relationship. Unfortunately, when women(in general) seek support, sometimes, they are further victimized by “the system”. I work in an office where family members come to seek Orders of Protection against other family members. It is a difficult process and from my experience, the DV victim is often filing the OP as a last resort. In some cases, the victim only seeks help when either the Police or child welfare agencies become involved. The stigma of being in a DV situation is real and often prevents the victim from seeking help.

    #5718 Reply
    Shama Thakkar

    This video was an accurate representation of the cycle of abuse. I found it very interesting that though each circumstance of domestic violence is unique, it is not limited to a certain class/ethnic group. And men are often victims of domestic violence too, but it unfortunately goes unspoken due to stigma. Though men may not be physically abused (they can), they are often emotionally abused.

    #5725 Reply
    Cathy Skinner

    I believe there are a few factors as to why the abused stay…

    -They are “addicted” to the abuser and refuse to believe that they are actually in a relationship where there is this cycle of abuse
    -They are financially dependent on their abuser
    -They are insecure and will give in when the abuser says they are sorry
    -They have low self esteem and believe they “deserve” the abuse or caused it

    #5747 Reply
    Fran Waller Robertson

    I find it very easy to understand someone staying in an abusive situation. From the outside it is easy: Leave!
    But when in the reality, it is difficult. From my own family to my friends: “stay together because of the child/children” “My religion will not allow it” “How can I support myself” “My afraid to be alone”. The reasons go on and on.
    When the abuser is on his/her best behavior it is wonderful. Life is on the right path but> The tension and anxiety of waiting for the next outbreak can be devastating on the abused and the entire family. The abused AND the abuser need to find help. Hopefully we can assist in giving hope.

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